February, please continue to be kind to me.

Well, it’s February and I haven’t messed up yet.

Okay, maybe I have.  Maybe I was eating the new Lays flavor of chips last night around 10pm.  Maybe I was still awake after 10pm because I wanted to make an attempt at deleting things off of my DVR.  Maybe I haven’t been waking up early and working out (I’m positive my child knows of my plans and wants to thwart them).  Maybe I haven’t sent out the thank you cards I planned to write (I’m handing them out on Saturday at a family function).  But I’m not going to sit here and focus on the things I haven’t done that I said I was only going to do.  Why?  Because it’s only February and there’s 10 more months left in the year for me to get it all done.

That’s not a way for me to procrastinate, I’ve been really good at acknowledging what I haven’t done yet and knowing that I cannot fall back on my word this time around.  I’m going to be completely honest with you…I’ve had two weeks where I fell off because of everything surrounding my Dad and brother’s kidney surgeries.  To recap:  My dad received a kidney from a family that needed one.  My brother donated to that family since he was a match for the person in need.   My brother is a hero, he saved two lives.  And so did the person that donated to my dad.  Both Dad and brother are doing well, thank heavens.

For two weeks my eating and sleeping haven’t been very good and I know that.  I spent a lot of time at the hospital, then I went back to work, and it’s been a nutty schedule and my emotions were going this way and that.  But this week, I need to buckle back down and keep going on the right path.  We’re not going to talk about last night’s Married at First Sight snackfest of Smoked Gouda & Chive chips, we’re going to forget that happened.  I weigh myself every Tuesday morning and I haven’t for two weeks.  I’m afraid to weigh myself tomorrow, but I need to see if I’ve gained back what I’ve lost since January 4th.

I talked about Belly Breathing for two seconds in my last update.  If you don’t know what that is – I’m going to tell you that there’s a lot that you can learn from an episode of Sesame Street.  My mother wants to teach this to her sixth graders.  Some might laugh about it, but it works.  It works with me, my mom and my toddler (who loves this song).  And the song is very catchy.  I have a tendency to fly off the handle without thinking, and it’s definitely nothing to be proud of.  Lately, I’ve counted to ten.  Lately, I’ve been Belly Breathing.  I haven’t had a bout of what some think is Tourette’s and I haven’t been cursing up a storm.  I have calmed myself down before raising my voice.  I’m not letting that part of anxiety turn me into a lunatic.

I have been trying to do more for myself – and one of those things I’ve been doing is taking my lunch hour away from my desk.  I will sit in the break room and read while I eat lunch.  I get a lot of reading done, and I try to use this time now because I hardly get any to myself.  My commute to work and back is also another time I use for myself, though I want to get into the habit of NOT checking anything on my phone on my way in to work.  I only spend about five minutes in the morning doing that once I get on the bus, but I don’t even want to spend that time connected to anything.  Just me, my headphones, some music or even a podcast.  I don’t get that time to myself at home.  Forget what people have said about time not being your own once you have a child.  Mothers (and Fathers) DESERVE time for themselves or they go absolutely bonkers.

And with that said, it’s time to disconnect.

Be well, everyone.